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It didn’t matter that I was coming up with creative ways to tell my sailor how much I loved and appreciated him. It didn’t matter that my sailor was doing my least favorite chore (dishes, ugh) every freaking night. We weren’t speaking each other’s love language.
We needed The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition. No matter how much effort we put in, neither one of us was feeling connected and loved – even though we could see how hard the other person was working!
Ever since my initial Military Spouse 101 workshop, I had the author and counselor Gary Chapman in the back of my mind. One of the base’s representatives had mentioned one of his other books, but when I saw that he had written a military edition for The 5 Love Languages, I knew that was the book we needed now.
I had heard of The 5 Love Languages years before. It’s deceptively simple: there are five types of communication styles for love. Find the one your partner responds to best, and then use that when you want them to feel loved. If you can get them on the wagon too, they can do the same for you.
“Sometimes I get so excited when I finally find a Navy book that isn’t about the Seals I don’t think about whether or not I’m really going to sit down and read 300 pages about The U.S. Navy in the Korean War, you know?” … (Keep Reading)
Who needs a book to figure out The 5 Love Languages?
I think anyone could figure out the main concept without reading The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition.
But understanding the main concept isn’t the same as making your partner feel loved. If you want to solve your communication issues right now instead of in a few months from now, take the time to read every chapter of The 5 Love Languages carefully. Mr. Chapman has the solutions in this book so that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel.
My favorite part of the whole book was that it started a nightly ritual of my husband and I reading together before bed. (It turns out, my love language is Quality Time.) As we continued through The 5 Love Languages, we kept trying to guess each other’s (and our own) love language. Spoiler: we are horrible at guessing!
Thank goodness Mr. Gary Chapman included tons of ways to figure out our love languages. There is a mini quiz at the back of the book, along with a handful of different games and techniques you can use in your own relationships to figure out your love languages.
We’ve also found it really helpful in developing a more even talking-listening balance in our marriage. While my sailor will talk for days if you give him a couple encouraging nods and smiles, I am not as forthcoming with my thoughts and feelings. There are simple but effective games that help practice a balance of communication while honing in on love languages, creating the right environment for a chatty partner to slow down and make space, and a reserved partner to be more open.
Why is there a military edition?
If your love language is Physical Touch and your spouse is deployed 3,912 miles away, what are they going to do to help you feel loved? How are you going to get Quality Time when your spouse, on a good week, sends you two emails from the middle of the ocean?
Military couples have unique challenges in addition to all the normal challenges that couples face. The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition is written with those military and long distance challenges in mind. Every Love Language comes with suggestions on how to use your partner’s communication style, even during deployments.